love makes the world go round.......

When I came to Spain in August, Floe, the angel that she is, sent me off with four letters. One, to open at Sea-Tac as I was waiting, terrified, to board my flight. A second, to read during my journey, preferably somewhere over Greenland, as she said. Third, a letter to read after my first full day in Spain. And finally, letter number four, with which she specifically directed, “This is a letter that is for a rainy day, wait for a day when you're feeling down or homesick or lonely. It needs to be at least a week after you get there, and a day when not even biscotti will cheer you up. Understand? Good.”

I haven't read her letter yet, which I think is unbelievable. It is Sunday, November 8, 2009. I left my house in Arlington on Tuesday, August 25, 2009. This is the longest I have gone in my life without seeing my family, my friends from home or Western. And I haven't read her letter. One day, in September, about a month after I arrived here, I had a breakdown. I cried. I was homesick and sad, but I sucked it up and Cory and I ate some good chocolate, and I saved the letter. I figured, it could be worse, I want to read the letter for when I truly need it. And now I have a hard time believing that I will need it. You have ups and downs in life, no matter if you're comfortable at home or thousands of miles away from everything you know. I don't really know where I'm going with this. All I know is, Floe's first three letters guided me out of my fear and anxiety at the beginning of this journey, but as of yet, I have not needed the final letter, and I really don't think I will need it, even when I am a little “homesick.” 

Yesterday, I noted, was 6 weeks until I fly home, which is not very long, is it? A part of me absolutely cannot wait. It is so strange living in a new culture that you both love and don't understand sometimes, where there are benefits and flaws and you don't want to compare it to home, but in the back of your mind you kind of always do. I miss a lot of things about home. Concrete things, abstract things, random little idiosyncrasies about home. I miss my family, more than anything. I miss my dog, Max. My friends. Driving. Going to Boulevard Park with friends and watching the sunset. Watching my brother sing at the high school. Arlington sports. My Y kids. Working at the info desk. My friends visiting me at work in between classes. Coaching basketball. Playing @ the rec center. Washington weather (crazy, I know). Movie nights with the girls. Chicken fajitas. Chicken teriyaki. Food in general. Blake and Barrett, the kids I've babysat for two years. Meeting family for dinner at Olive Garden halfway in Mt. Vernon in the middle of the week, just because. Weekly dinners with Heidi, Patty, & Weston. Working out with Shayna in the summertime, her kicking my ass every step of the way! WWU Intramurals. Texting. Grey's Anatomy. People watching and cracking up with my brother. My life. 

 But at the same time, since I've been here, my life has expanded so much. This new one is entirely different, and in some ways here I'm an entirely different person. And what's amazing is that I have both lives, two completely separate parts of myself that entirely make up ME. And since I'll be returning to Spain for second semester, the only thing I'm really dreading leaving in December is the people here that I've grown to love so much. It's crazy, because you never imagine just how close you can get to people, and in two and a half months, I have come across some of the best friends I've had in my entire life. Mi hermana, Courtney. Eric. Shannon. Cory. Halee. Kaitlin. Douggy. Lexi. Ben. Alicia. Tyler. Megan. Michelle. Tony. Sam. Dana. Liz. Kelly. My early starters, I love them. Each and every single one, for who they are and for how we all balance each other out even though we're so completely different. Obviously there are many others, but I am most strongly connected to these people because we've been through it all together, we were here from the very start, thrown into the heat of Madrid in the middle of the summer wondering, “what the hell are we doing here?” I am so thankful that I have these people in my life, friends all over the country that have made this experience unforgettable so far and that I cannot even begin to describe the effect they've made on my life since I've been here. So now it's up to all of us to keep those ties connected in the future. I will be connected by heartstrings to all of these people, all throughout the US, but it is my job in the next 6 weeks to make so many more memories, and to enjoy these amazing people as much as I fully can before they all have to leave. And now, I'm literally crying as I write this. Why do I do this to myself? Haha. But it's ok, gotta get it out right? 

I'm not sure why I'm exactly going to post this in my blog, because I'm not usually this open about how I feel with so many people. But maybe I want to share a more personal aspect of how I'm feeling here, and maybe I want people who read this, at home or in Spain, to know how much they mean to me. And although I say that, and despite the fact that I love to write, and that I think I'm fairly good at it, ;) just know that no matter what I say, words are never sufficient for the love I have in my heart for all of you. 

I guess I'll wrap this up by sharing something Floe shared with me in that third letter she gave me. Gotta love that girl and her quotes, she always finds good supplementary words! :) 

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles behind you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” 

Frederick Buechner

And with that, I need to go dry my tears and go for a run with mi amigo Cory. 

Love, MacKenzie